Year end retrospective

It's that time. The end. Classes are over. Finals are finished. We're going home. Some are graduating, never to return. We never thought it would be over but the time has come. It's an odd feeling as I sit in my own living room writing this. It's home but then again it isn't. Things are so familiar yet so different. A lot has changed since last summer so I'd like to take a little time to step back and look at the year that's been.

My year started early. Two weeks before the rest of the students moved back in to be exact. I wasn't quite sure what to expect. Once I got settled it was time to go to the first day of training. Wasn't quite sure what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised to meet the rest of the guys (and girl). When you think ResNet, you probably think a bunch of stereotypical computer nerds, a bunch of smelly guys with thick glasses that are out of place in sunlight or with other people. Not the case at all. There was a cloud of "geekiness" hanging over the room but as I looked around you definitely wouldn't have known it. It was a bunch of normal people. Ok so there may be an exception here or there but overall everyone was really pretty cool. Great group of people.

Then came the end of training. The band had moved in right before they left for camp... The people reading this probably already know the story so I'm not going to spell anything out. If you don't know I might tell you at some point but you're probably better off not asking.

As classes started I was on quite a high. Everything seemed to be going right with the world and I had a really good feeling about things. That quickly faded as classes started to get going and other personal issues started to take a different turn. Definitely nothing even remotely close to last year but it doesn't always take something big to kill your enthusiasm. It was a very long semester. Don't get me wrong, there were definitely some good times in there and plenty of good people but there was just something else... Can't really put my finger on what it was but I know it was there. By the time Christmas break hit there was a definite slide going in my grades, I definitely did not do nearly as well as I had hoped. But it was completely my fault. Then just after Christmas the unexpected.

I awoke one morning to my mother crying. "Eric, you need to get up and get dressed, Mom-mom (my grandmother) had a heart attack and she's in the hospital." Not a very good way to start the day. We found out later that it hadn't been a heart attack but rather her heart had just stopped. Thankfully she was already at the hospital to get checked up on and there were doctors and nurses there to rush to her aide immediately. They were able to revive her before there had been any brain damage. We were told that had she been anywhere else it would have almost certainly been fatal.

The week or 2 following that will probably be with me for the rest of my life. Everyday was spent at the hospital. First Bloomsburg, then Geisinger. No one was really sure what the problem was. Finally they realized that one of the heart valves that had been replaced only a few years before was blocked. They needed to operate immediately to remove the blockage. They moved her into the Cardio ICU to prepare for the surgery. We were all sitting around waiting to go see her before she went in. When they finally let us into the room she was in good spirits as they started to prep her for surgery. The nurses joked with her and she seemed very comfortable. We all felt optimistic about the surgery. As I stood by her bed it came time to say our good byes before the procedure. I couldn't really talk. I just held her hand. She smiled at me as her hand slowly slipped out of mine. That was the last time I saw her.

We had gone home to get some sleep so we could return again in the morning to see her after she had gotten out of surgery. I had a very tough time sleeping that night. I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. Then a little while later I heard the phone. I knew before I got downstairs that she was gone but I still held out hope. As I saw my parents huddled in the dining room I relished that the worst was true. The operation was successful but they were unable to restart her heart afterwards.

By all accounts she had been ready to go. It was said that only days before my grandfather, who had died on Easter only months before my little brother was born, had come to her in a dream. You never think of life being quite that poetic, so much like a movie or any other story, but some of this really does happen. It was comforting to know that she didn't have to suffer.

I was unable to be at her funeral. I had to come back to school the day of her viewing and was not even there for that. Sometimes I wonder if I should have been there, but then again, I don't think she would have cared. I think she would have been angry if I had been late in coming back to school for something as "silly" as a funeral, after all , it's not really the person anymore anyway. I said goodbye while she was still with us and that's all that would matter to her.

I'm not ashamed to mention that I'm bawling like a baby as I type. This hit me very hard. It still doesn't seem like it's true. I keep expecting to hear her voice or see her sitting in the living room of her house, but that's all just a memory now.
Not exactly the best start to the second half of the year.

As the semester progressed I seemed to be getting back into the swing of things with my school work and such and things we going along fairly smooth. Occasional bumps along the way but nothing too big. I'm not quite sure why but a couple weeks ago I noticed myself go through a big change. I started hanging out with Matt and Tony more, and of course you can't have Tony without Sarah (you guys are kind of a package deal and you know it ;) ). I also was introduced to Dave and Paul along with various other acquaintances (Nikki, Marilyn, etc, etc, etc). All very cool people. But I really started to notice a change in myself starting the night of "Phat Jam". After the concert Matt called to invite me to an after party that the Pendulums were having. It was a great time! I was singing and dancing, really letting myself go and having a good time. If you have known me for any amount of time you know that I'm not a fan of making a fool of myself. But I didn't care, so yes for the first time I was actually willing to loosen up and do things. Who would have known it would be so much fun? Since then I've been meeting all sorts of really great people and have had a blast. I haven't felt this good in a long time. People have even commented about the change they've noticed in my attitude so I know it isn't just me. For whatever reason I think there must have still been holding me back. All I know is that it's gone now and I'm a better person for it.

I know next year is gonna be a blast and can't wait. Who knows, maybe things will get even better. It could happen. With a wingman at my side or the entire squadron backing me up it could be quite the ride and I plan on enjoying every moment of it.

That being said there are some other very important people that I need to mention, without them I probably would have never survived the year. Ben, Josh, even Dave and Nick, I want to thank you guys for being around. I defiantly benefited from your mentoring and advice, and you certainly helped me stay sane. I'm glad I met you guys and it's disappointing that I didn't meet you sooner. We had a lot of fun as well. It was defiantly nice to have you around. I mean your suite was pretty much my second home. I was sometimes there more often than my own room.

I know this is pretty long. I could go on and on but I think I'm going to wrap it up.

Mainly I want to say a big thank you to all my friends, even those of you that I didn't specifically mention. Without you guys I would not have had nearly as much fun as I did. You are all great people and can't wait to see most of you when we get back in the fall. To the ones how have now graduated and I may not get to see, I wish you all luck and please feel free to stay in touch.

It was one hell of a year. Lots of good, some bad. It started on a high note, dropped down in the middle and then shot back up higher than it had been before at the end. Hopefully the momentum continues into next year.

It's been fun kids.

Eric